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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29160951">The Absolute Worst</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/insertfruitpun/pseuds/insertfruitpun'>insertfruitpun</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Witchlands Series - Susan Dennard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Proposals, chaotic siblings, sibling relationships, stix is there for a short pun, the nihar family (the witchlands series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:35:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,255</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29160951</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/insertfruitpun/pseuds/insertfruitpun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes having help...is worse.</p><p>Alternatively: Vivia roasts Merik's proposal speech and helps him write a new one.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merik Nihar &amp; Vivia Nihar, Safiya fon Hasstrel/Merik Nihar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Absolute Worst</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You cannot say that to a woman. Or any living being."</p><p>Before Merik could protest, Vivia took the paper from him and threw the speech he wrote into the fireplace. </p><p>He stood up from his chair, both in alarm and annoyance. "You're not the end-all authority on this," he said, gathering the other papers before she could burn them. </p><p>Vivia scoffed. "Nobody wants to sit through ten minutes of almost-compliments. No ring is worth such boredom." So she had been reading over his shoulder. Merik didn't know whether to be impressed at how quiet she was or annoyed at the fact that she did it at all.</p><p>Even if Merik had asked her to help, this wouldn't have been appreciated. He could handle his own proposal well enough. And it wasn't like Vivia had a blossoming love life of her own. If anything, Merik was the one who should be lecturing her.</p><p>"They're not almost-compliments, they're compliments. And they're nicer than anything we've said to each other before."</p><p>Vivia raised her eyebrow. "And you're considering marrying her?"</p><p>She might not have ordered a hit on him, but that didn't mean Vivia didn't want to kill him. Spending another minute in a room alone with her was certainly going to accomplish that. "Yes!"</p><p>"But you wrote right there," Vivia pointed at the fireplace, "that sometimes you wish you were dead when she starts arguments about stupid things. Which is rich coming from you, by the way."</p><p>Merik ignored the second part of what she said. It was for the best. They wouldn't get anywhere if he questioned his sister's hypocrisy. She was willing to defend her actions to no end, and once Merik started an argument, he had to finish it.</p><p>He sat down again. "But right after that I said that I wouldn't want it to be any other way."</p><p>Merik didn't know how long she was behind him, but she knew what he was talking about. It wouldn't be Vivia if she hadn't read all of it. At her most extreme, she'd use it for blackmail. And at the least, she'd make fun of him endlessly. Both were bad.</p><p>Vivia rolled her eyes and sat down next to him. She looked at the papers in front of him before asking: "So? What else have you got?"</p><p>"Everything I had is gone," Merik said. </p><p>"Good riddance."</p><p>Merik really, really wished he'd just rented a room somewhere, or went to Kullen's apartment for the day. His threadbrother would get involved too, and probably make everything slower, but he wouldn't do it just to watch Merik suffer.</p><p>He though that no one would look into an empty room in the castle. A few servants walked in, but they all got out quickly. Merik was not the calmest writer in the world. He was working to keep his temper in check, but it wasn't worth it when the room was just him, a table, and so he didn't. It wasn't like he expected those people to barge in, anyway.</p><p>They mostly kept out after that. Word traveled fast in the castle. It must have gotten out to Vivia, too. </p><p>She was supposed to be busy, but apparently the country was second only to tormenting Merik.</p><p>Vivia looked him in the eyes and sighed. "It's not supposed to be that long, you know?" </p><p>"And you would know." Merik knew she did, and she knew he knew she did. He was long over not getting to rule Nubrevna, but that didn't mean he liked that Vivia got to do all the things he would never even participate in. </p><p>Well, it wasn't like he couldn't. Merik knew that, if he asked, Vivia would let him. But the more he heard about her meetings and speeches, the more he realised he didn't have what it took to do any of it. Patience was among the first of the things he lacked.</p><p>"I would. Long speeches tend to make people sound boring." Just when Merik was considering taking her up on her offer to help, she added, "or, in your case, even more boring."</p><p>Merik turned around so he wouldn't have to face her. "Thank you for the vote of confidence."</p><p>"You're welcome." Vivia took one of the papers from him. "Now, try to imagine what it would be like if you and Safiya were normal people."</p><p>Merik turned back to look at his sister. Maybe her approach would work. It was worth a try. "As in, not a prince and a Truthwitch?"</p><p>"As in, not impulsive idiots. Imagine that you can name more nice things about her than bad things." Vivia had a pen in her hand, and she looked ready to listen and write down what he said.</p><p>Merik couldn't remember the last time she listened without commenting, so he was prepared for it. "I can."</p><p>Vivia pointed at the fireplace once again. "Then why didn't you?"</p><p>"That was just a rough first draft," Merik said.</p><p>Vivia rolled her eyes. "Oh, excuse me Mister Poet, I hadn't recognised you." She put away all of the other papers except the one she was holding. "When do you need to see her? Is it today?" Merik nodded. "Then your second draft has to be your last. You really need to change."</p><p>Merik ignored her last comment. She knew full well that he was already dressed better than usual. "So I just tell you what I think of her and you write it down?"</p><p>"Not exactly the way you say it, but yes." Merik wondered what was wrong with the way he said it, but then he remembered who he was talking to. He could say the sky was blue and Vivia would call him incompetent for not specifying the shade. </p><p>But this was worth a try. "Like I said, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me," Merik said, "even though she herself is the absolute worst." </p><p>Vivia made a face. "First of all, I thought that was me? At least in your head. Really, it's you. And second of all, very romantic." She wrote something down, but Merik couldn't see what it was. No doubt she only kept in what she saw fit. "So? Continue!"</p><p>"She's more beautiful than life itself, but," Merik started. Vivia made a gagging sound. "Very mature."</p><p>"I don't need to hear about that."</p><p>"You literally told me to tell you!" </p><p>It went on like that for another hour or so when Vivia finally decided they were done. She left him with the paper, written in her overly-neat handwriting. She said he made her late for some very important things, to which Merik said that she made herself late. Then Vivia just walked out, and Merik considered that an argument won.</p><p>It was just a few hours before he had to meet with Safi, so Merik went over the "new and improved" speech, as Vivia called it. He'd been listing things for longer than he thought he could, yet the speech itself was short. Shorty, yet weirdly sweet. Surprisingly Vivia hadn't taken out the "bad parts" of his compliments. She did change up what he said a bit, but in the end, it was one and the same.</p><p>The door to the room opened once again. "I heard Vivia was here- Oh!" Stix didn't greet him, neither formally or as a friend. She just nodded in acknowledgement and looked over his shoulder. She squinted a bit. "So romance <em> is </em> dead?" </p><p>Merik really needed to start locking doors.</p>
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